Supporters' Association

Knowledge

History of Fartown.

The earliest record of a football match being played in the Huddersfield area is in 1848, when a team of men from Hepworth took on a team of men from Holmfirth near Whinney Bank in Holmfirth. Hepworth won a ...

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Club Honours

The club's first cup victory was in the 1889-90 season when the Yorkshire Cup was won for the first time.

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Membership

See how to become a member of the Supporters Association...

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RFL Benevolent Fund

Support the RFL Benevolent Fund by following this link.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?

Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg?

Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?

Did Adam and Eve have navels?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Who opened that first oyster and said "My, my, my. Now doesn't 'this' look yummy!"

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the singular of sheep shoop?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why don't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what language do people:
recite at a play and play a recital
ship by truck and send cargo by ship
have noses that run and feet that smell
drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which:
your house can burn up as it burns down,
you fill in a form by filling it out, and
an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers. It reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
Why doesn't "buick" rhyme with "quick"?

I went to McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The kid at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?" - Jay Leno

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. - Jackie Gleason

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. - Red Buttons

Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it. - Stephen Leacock

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window. - Steve Bluestone

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. - George Carlin

I would live to speak a foreign language but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead. - Sue Kolinsky

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough. - Pearl Williams

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets. - Dave Edison

Never moon a werewolf. - Mike Binder

Before criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then, when you do criticize them, you will be a mile away and have their shoes.

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let go, because, they're gone, man. They're gone.

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" You can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not for our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant and she fell on me? Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

I hope if dogs ever take over the world and they choose a king, they don't just go by size because I bet there are some chihuahuas with some good ideas.

Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank" and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery and so is mankind.

If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.

It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.

As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.

I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain because later, you might think you're having a good idea but it's really just the eggs hatching.

Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books.

Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait-I guess that's like a regular window.

During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were "just going down to the corner."

When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then, I got curious about it. And I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was and why he had deer horns.

Remember, kids in the backseat cause accidents; accidents in the backseat cause kids.
English Language

"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them use to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired."

Dreamt is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt."

Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning "containing arsenic."

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. That's where the phrase, "goodnight, sleep tight" came from.

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. (DON'T try this at home!)

It was the accepted practice in Babylon, 4,000 years ago, that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the "honey month" or what we know today as the "honeymoon."

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle," is the phrase inspired by this practice.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple.

Stewardesses is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

The combination "ough" can be pronounced in nine different ways. The following sentence contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed."

The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.

The longest one-syllable words in the English language are screeched and scratched.

The longest place-name still in use is Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupo-kaiwenuakitnatahu, a New Zealand hill.

The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. The only other word with the same amount of letters is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses, its plural.

The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

The term "the whole 9 yards" came from W.W.II fighter pilots in the Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards."

The word "Checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase "Shah Mat," which means "the king is dead".

The word "set" has more definitions than any other word in the English language.

There are only four words in the English language which end in "-dous" tremendous, horrendous, stupendous and hazardous.

There is a seven letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, "therein": the, there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.

To "testify" was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a statement made by swearing on their testicles.

Underground is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters "und."

Animals

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

An iguana can stay under water for 28 minutes.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Camel's milk does not curdle.

Cat's urine glows under a blacklight.

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.

Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian coat of arms for that reason.

Giraffes have no vocal cords.

In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs.

It takes a lobster approximately seven years to grow to be one pound.

Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time.

Murphy's Oil Soap is the chemical most commonly used to clean elephants.

The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

The male gypsy moth can "smell" the virgin female gypsy moth from 1 mile away.

The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint: no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers.

The world's termites outweigh the world's humans 10 to 1.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

When opossums are playing 'possum, they are not "playing." They actually pass out from sheer terror.

People

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button. It was eliminated when he was sewn up after surgery.

Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.

Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33.

David Prowse was the guy in the Darth Vader suit in Star Wars. He spoke all of Vader's lines, and didn't know that he was going to be dubbed over by James Earl Jones until he saw the screening of the movie.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades - King David, Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne, and Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

Ingrown toenails are hereditary.

Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every Dewey-decimal category.

John Larroquette of "Night Court" and "The John Larroquette Show" was the narrator of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre."

John Lennon's first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

Lincoln Logs were invented by Frank Lloyd Wright's son.

Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.

On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year. BE CAREFUL!

Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

Roger Ebert is the only film critic to have ever won the Pulitzer prize.

Telly Savalas and Louis Armstrong died on their birthdays.

The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the "American Pie." (Thus the name of the Don McLean song.)

The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life."

The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."

The name for Oz in the "Wizard of Oz" was, thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z, hence "Oz."

Who's that playing the piano on the "Mad About You" theme? Paul Reiser himself.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Miscellaneous

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.

All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.

Almonds are members of the peach family.

Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

Columbia University is the second largest landowner in New York City, after the Catholic Church.

Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.

Did you know that there are coffee flavored PEZ?

Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

Hang On Sloopy is the official rock song of Ohio.

Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.

If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.

In Britain, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.(The Speaker is the moderator of the Parliamentary sessions and as such cannot participate in debates. S/he does speak, usually to tell others to shut up!)

In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10. (REASON: The two upward hands are more like a smiling face.)

In the 1940s, the FCC assigned television's Channel 1 to mobile services (two-way radios in taxicabs, for instance) but did not re-number the other channel assignments. That is why your TV set has channels 2 and up, but no channel 1.

In the great fire of London in 1666 half of London was burnt down but only 6 people were injured

It takes about a half a gallon of water to cook macaroni, and about a gallon to clean the pot.

Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula"- and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: "L.A."

Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

Montpelier, Vermont is the only U.S. state capital without a McDonald's.

Most Americans' car horns beep in the key of "F."

No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Superbowl.

Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament Building is an American flag. (Canada now uses a coin instead of a $2 bill... HR)

On an American one-dollar bill, there is an owl in the upper left-hand corner of the "1" encased in the "shield" and a spider hidden in the front upper right-hand corner.

One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the 30s lobbied against hemp farmers -- they saw it as competition.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

Since 1896, the beginning of the modern Olympics, only Greece and Australia have participated in every Olympics.

The Boston University Bridge (on Commonwealth Avenue, Boston, Massachusetts) is the only place in the world where a boat can sail under a train driving under a car driving under an airplane.

The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.

The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.

The Ramses brand condom is named after the great pharaoh Ramses II who fathered over 160 children.

The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

The United States government keeps its supply of silver at the U.S. Military Academy at West Point, NY.

The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

The first Ford cars had Dodge engines.

The first toilet ever seen on television was on "Leave It To Beaver."

The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.

The letters KGB stand for Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses. No one in Greece has memorized all 158 verses.

The only two days of the year in which there are no North American professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star Game.

The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.

The symbol on the "pound" key (#) is called an octothorpe.

There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.

There are only thirteen blimps in the world. Nine of the thirteen blimps are in the United States.

There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.

When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at home, the stadium becomes the state's third largest city.

A mole can dig a tunnel 300 feet long in just one night!

A cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off - it dies from starvation!

A crocodile always grows new teeth to replace the old teeth!

A group of geese on the ground is a gaggle, a group of geese in the air is a skein!

A hard working adult sweats up to 4 gallons per day. Most of the sweat evaporates before a person realizes it's there, though!

A hedgehog's heart beats 300 times a minute on average!

A hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4 foot tall child inside!

A hummingbird weighs less than a penny!

A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second!

A lump of pure gold the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court!

A quarter has 119 grooves on its edge, a dime has one less groove!

After eating, a housefly regurgitates its food and then eats it again!

Apples are more efficient than caffeine in keeping people awake in the mornings!

Bulls are colorblind, therefore will usually charge at a matador's waving cape no matter what color it is -- be it red or neon yellow!

Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand!

Cat urine glows under a black-light!

Dogs and cats, like humans, are either right or left handed... or is that paws?!

Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie!

Human teeth are almost as hard as rocks!

Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete!

If you counted 24 hours a day, it would take 31,688 years to reach one trillion!

Most lipstick contains fish scales!

No piece of square dry paper can be folded more than 7 times in half!

Nose prints are used to identify dogs, just like humans use fingerprints!

One ragweed plant can release as many as one billion grains of pollen!

Over 10,000 birds a year die from smashing into windows!

Over 2500 left handed people a year are killed from using products made for right handed people!

Porcupines float in water!

Skepticisms is the longest word that alternates hands when typing!

Smelling bananas and/or green apples (smelling, not eating) can help you lose weight!

The average ice berg weighs 20,000,000 tons!

The average life span of a major league baseball is 5-7 pitches!

The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year!

The Earth weighs around 6,588,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 tons!

The electric chair was invented by a dentist!

The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds!

The most used letter in the English alphabet is 'E', and 'Q' is the least used!

The opposite sides of a dice cube always add up to seven!

The original name for the butterfly was 'flutterby'!

The placement of a donkey's eyes in its head enables it to see all four feet at all times!

The poison-arrow frog has enough poison to kill about 2,200 people!

The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog." uses every letter of the alphabet!

The sloth (a mammal) moves so slowly that green algae can grow undisturbed on its fur!

The state of Florida is bigger than England!

The sun is 330,330 times larger than the earth!

The world's termites outweigh the world's humans 10 to 1!

There are more than 10 million bricks in the Empire State Building!

Thomas Edison, lightbulb inventor, was afraid of the dark!

Windmills always turn counter-clockwise. Except for the windmills in Ireland!

Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day!

You're born with 300 bones, but when you get to be an adult, you only have 206!

101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan are the only two Disney cartoon features with both parents that are present and don't die throughout the movie.

142857 is a cyclic number, the numbers of which always appear in the same order but rotated around when multiplied by any number from 1 to 6. 142857 * 2 = 285714 142857 * 3 = 428571 142857 * 4 = 571428 142857 * 5 = 714285 142857 * 6 = 857142

A barnacle has the largest penis of any other animal in the world in relation to its size.

A dragonfly has a lifespan of twenty-four hours.

A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.

A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.

A flush toilet exists that dates back to 2000 BC.

A fully loaded supertanker traveling at normal speed takes a least twenty minutes to stop.

A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

A lion's roar can be heard from five miles away.

A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

A rat can last longer without water than a camel.

A rhinoceros' horn is made of compacted hair.

A species of earthworm in Australia grows up to 10 feet in length.

A ten-gallon hat holds three-quarters of a gallon.

A walla-walla scene is one where extras pretend to be talking in the background -- when they say "walla-walla" it looks like they are actually talking.

A whale's penis is called a dork.

According to Genesis 1:20-22 the chicken came before the egg.

Actor Tommy Lee Jones and vice-president Al Gore were freshman roommates at Harvard.

After human death, post-mortem rigidity starts in the head and travels to the feet, and leaves the same way it came -- head to toe.

Albert Brooks's real name is Albert Einstein.

Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, never phoned his wife or his mother. They were both deaf.

Alexander the Great was an epileptic.

Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button. It was eliminated when he was sewn up after surgery.

All of the officers in the Confederate army were given copies of Les Miserables, by Victor Hugo, to carry with them at all times. Robert E. Lee, among others, believed that the book symbolized their cause. Both revolts were defeated.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.

Ancient drinkers warded off the devil by clinking their cups.

Ancient Egyptians shaved off their eyebrows to mourn the deaths of their cats.

Anteaters prefer termites to ants.

Armored knights raised their visors to identify themselves when they rode past their king. This custom has become the modern military salute.

Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.

Barbie's full name is Barbra Millicent Roberts.

Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33.

Bela Lugosi died during the filming of "PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE". Director Edward D. Wood Jr. used a taller relative who held a cape in front of his face so the audience wouldn't know the difference so he could complete filming.

Bingo is the name of the dog on the Cracker Jack box.

Blonde beards grow faster than darker beards.

Blueberry Jelly Bellies were created especially for Ronald Reagan.

Bob Dylan's real name is Robert Zimmerman.

Bob May played the Robot on "Lost In Space" (1965-68) and Dick Tufeld was the voice.

Boris Karloff is the narrator of the seasonal television special "How the Grinch Stole Christmas."

Both Hitler and Napoleon were missing one testicle.

Boys who have unusual first names are more likely to have mental problems than boys with conventional names. Girls don't seem to have this problem.

Brazil got its name from the nut, not the other way around.

Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to SLOW a film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.

By raising your legs slowly and laying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand.

Casey Kasem is the voice of Shaggy on "Scooby-Doo."

Cat urine glows under a black light.

Catgut comes from sheep not cats.

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.

Cheryl Ladd (of Charlie's Angels fame) played the voice, both talking and singing, of Josie in the 70s Saturday morning cartoon "Josie and the Pussycats."

Chop-suey is not a native Chinese dish, it was created in California by Chinese immigrants.

Chrysler built B-29's that bombed Japan. Mitsubishi built the Zeros that tried to shoot them down. Both companies now build cars in a joint plant call Diamond Star.

Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them use to burn their houses down -- hence the statement "to get fired."

Clark Gable used to shower more than 4 times a day.

Compact discs read from the inside to the outside edge, the reverse of how a record works.

Crickets hear through their knees.

Crocodiles swallow stones to help them dive deeper.

Daniel Boone detested coonskin caps.

Debra Winger was the voice of E.T.

Despite the hump, a camel's spine is straight.

Dr. Samuel A. Mudd was the physician who set the leg of Lincoln's assassin John Wilkes Booth, and whose shame created the statement for ignominy, "His name is Mudd."

Dr. Seuss and Kurt Vonnegut went to college together. They were even in the same fraternity, where Seuss decorated the fraternity house walls with drawings of his characters.

Due to gravitational effects, you weigh slightly less when the moon is directly overhead.

During the chariot scene in 'Ben Hur' a small red car can be seen in the distance.

During World War II, W.C. Fields kept US $50,000 in Germany 'in case the little bastard wins'.

Earth is the only planet not named after a God.

Elvis had a twin brother named Jesse Garon, who died at birth, which is why Elvis' middle name was spelled Aron; in honor of his brother.

Every photograph of an American atomic bomb detonation was taken by Harold Edgerton.

Every Swiss citizen is required by law to have a bomb shelter or access to a bomb shelter.

Evian (the bottled water) spelled backwards is "naive."

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

Flying from London to New York by Concord, due to the time zones crossed, you can arrive 2 hours before you leave.

Former US President Ulysses S. Grant had the boyhood nickname 'Useless'.

Four people played Darth Vader: David Prowse was his body, James Earl Jones did the voice, Sebastian Shaw was his face and a fourth person did the breathing.

From the age of thirty, humans gradually begin to shrink in size.

George Washington grew marijuana in his garden.

Gerald Ford pardoned Robert E. Lee posthumously of all crimes of treason.

Gilligan of Gilligan's Island had a first name that was only used once, on the never-aired pilot show. His first name was Willy. The skipper's real name on Gilligan's Island is Jonas Grumby. It was mentioned once in the first episode on the radio newscast about the wreck. The Professor's real name was Roy Hinkley, Mary Ann's last name was Summers and Mrs. Howell's maiden name was Wentworth.

Halloween took place in the town of Haddonfield, Illinois but almost all the cars in the film had California license plates.

Hara kiri is an impolite way of saying the Japanese word "seppuku" which means, literally, "belly splitting."

Heroin is the brand name of morphine once marketed by Bayer.

Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.

Hindu men believe(d) it to be unlucky to marry a third time. They could avoid misfortune by marrying a tree first. The tree (his third wife) was then burnt, freeing him to marry again.

Human birth control pills work on gorillas.

Human hair and fingernails do not continue to grow after death.

Hummingbirds can't walk.

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

If a surgeon in Ancient Egypt lost a patient while performing an operation, his hands were cut off.

If the population of the Earth continued to increase at its present rate indefinitely, by 3530 A.D. the total mass of human flesh and blood would equal the mass of the Earth. By 6826 A.D. it would equal the mass of the known universe.

If you are locked in a completely sealed room, you will die of carbon dioxide poisoning before you will die of oxygen deprivation.

If you can see a rainbow you must have your back to the sun. If you don't, you can't see it.

If you feed a seagull Alka-Seltzer, its stomach will explode.

If you multiply 526,315,789,473,684,210 with any number you will always find the original number in the result!

If you pause "Saturday Night Fever" at the "How Deep Is Your Love" rehearsal scene, you will see the camera crew reflected in the dance hall mirror.

If you put a raisin in a glass of champagne, it will keep floating to the top and sinking to the bottom.

Iguanas, koalas and Komodo dragons all have two penises.

In Ancient Peru, when a woman found an 'ugly' potato, it was the custom for her to push it into the face of the nearest man.

In Casablanca, Humphrey Bogart never said "Play it again, Sam." Sherlock Holmes never said "Elementary, my dear Watson." Captain Kirk never said "Beam me up, Scotty," but he did say, "Beam me up, Mr. Scott."

In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

In most watch advertisements the time displayed on the watch is 10:10 because then the arms frame the brand of the watch (and make it look like it's smiling.)

In the 40's, the Bich pen was changed to Bic for fear that Americans would pronounce it 'Bitch.'

In the Andes, time is often measured by how long it takes to smoke a cigarette.

In the film 'Star Trek : First Contact', when Picard shows Lilly she is orbiting Earth, Australia and Papa New Guinea are clearly visible .. but New Zealand is missing.

It is a criminal offence to drive around in a dirty car in Russia.

It is believed that Shakespeare was 46 around the time that the King James Version of the Bible was written. In Psalms 46, the 46th word from the first word is shake and the 46th word from the last word is spear.

It is illegal to be a prostitute in Siena, Italy, if your name is Mary.

It takes 8.5 minutes for light to get from the sun to earth.

It was illegal to sell ET dolls in France because there is a law against selling dolls without human faces.

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

It's rumored that sucking on a copper penny will cause a breath-alyzer to read 0.

Ivory bar soap floating was a mistake. They had been over mixing the soap formula causing excess air bubbles that made it float. Customers wrote and told how much they loved that it floated, and it has floated ever since.

Jacques Cousteau invented scuba gear while in the French resistance during World War II.

James Doohan, who plays Lt. Commander Montgomery Scott on Star Trek, is missing the entire middle finger of his right hand.

Jean-Claude Van Damme was the alien in the original "PREDATOR" in almost all the jumping and climbing scenes.

Jet lag was once called boat lag, back before jets existed.

John Larroquette of "Night Court" and "The John Larroquette Show" was the narrator of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre."

John Wilkes Booth shot Lincoln in a theatre and was found in a warehouse. Lee Harvey Oswald shot Kennedy from a warehouse and was found in a theatre.

John Wilkes Booth's brother once saved the life of Abraham Lincoln's son.

June Foray, the voice of Talking Tina from the classic Twilight Zone episode "Living Doll", was also the voice of Rocky the talking squirrel from "Rocky & Bullwinkle".

Kathleen Turner was the voice of Jessica Rabbit, and Amy Irving was her singing voice.

King Kong is the only movie to have its sequel (Son of Kong) released the same year (1933).

Lady Astor once told Winston Churchill 'if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee'. His reply ' if you were my wife, I would drink it!'

Leonardo De Vinci invented the scissors.

Lincoln Logs were invented by Frank Lloyd Wright's son.

Liquid paper was invented by Mike Nesmith's (of the Monkees) mother, Bette Nesmith Graham, in 1951.

Lizzie Borden was acquitted.

Look at the number four on a clock face that uses Roman numerals. If the clock is made correctly then the Roman numeral four is wrong. The standard and correct way to write the Roman numeral four is "IV," but the traditional way to show it on a clock face is "IIII." Legend has it that a clock was made for a British king. When he saw the clock he mis- informedly corrected the clock maker who re-did the clock face to show a "IIII" instead of an "IV" thus not risking offending the king. Other clock makers followed suit so as not to embarrass the king. Now it is the traditional way to make clocks.

Lorne Greene had one of his nipples bitten off by an alligator while he was host of "Lorne Greene's Wild Kingdom."

Lynyrd Skynard was the name of the gym teacher of the boys who went on to form that band. He once told them, "You boys ain't never gonna amount to nothin'."

Melanie Griffith's mother is actress Tippi Hendren, best known for her lead role in Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds.

Men leave their hotel rooms cleaner than women do.

Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a "Friday the 13th."

Montpelier, Vermont is the only U.S. state capital without a McDonalds.

More money is printed daily for the Monopoly game than by the U.S. Treasury.

More people are killed each year from bees than from snakes.

Most Americans' car horns beep in the key of F.

Mozart was buried in an unmarked pauper's grave.

Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.

Nine pennies weigh exactly one ounce.

Ninety eight per cent of the weight of water is made up from oxygen.

No animal, once frozen solid (i.e., water solidifies and turns to ice) survives when thawed, because the ice crystals formed inside cells would break open the cell membranes. However there are certain frogs that can survive the experience of being frozen. These frogs make special proteins, which prevent the formation of ice (or at least keep the crystals from becoming very large), so that they actually never freeze even though their body temperature is below zero Celsius. The water in them remains liquid: a phenomenon known as 'supercooling.' If you disturb one of these frogs (just touching them even), the water in them quickly freezes solid and they die.

No matter its size or thickness, no piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.

Non-dairy creamer is flammable.

Oak trees do not have acorns until they are fifty years old or older.

Of the six men who made up the Three Stooges, three of them were real brothers (Moe, Curly and Shemp.)

On 15 April 1912 the SS Titanic sunk on her maiden voyage and over 1,500 people died. Fourteen years earlier a novel was published by Morgan Robertson which seemed to foretell the disaster. The book described a ship the same size as the Titanic which crashes into an iceberg on its maiden voyage on a misty April night. The name of Robertson's fictional ship was the Titan.

On an American one-dollar bill, there is an owl in the upper left-hand corner of the "1" encased in the "shield" and a spider hidden in the front upper right-hand corner.

On the new one hundred dollar bill the time on the clock tower of Independence Hall is 4:10.

One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the 30s lobbied against hemp farmers -- they saw it as competition. It is not chemically addictive as is nicotine, alcohol, or caffeine.

Only female mosquitoes bite.

Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.

Other than humans, black lemurs are the only primates that have blue eyes.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

Pamela Lee-Anderson is Canada's Centennial Baby, being the first baby born on the centennial anniversary of Canada's independence.

Panama hats come from Ecuador not Panama.

Peanuts are used in the production of dynamite.

Pearls melt in vinegar.

Pinocchio is Italian for "pine eyes."

Pogonophobia is the fear of beards.

Polar bear fur is not white, it's clear.

Race car is a palindrome.

Ralph Lauren's original name was Ralph Lifshitz.

Residents of the island of Lesbos are Lesbosians, rather than Lesbians. (Of course, lesbians are called lesbians because Sappho was from Lesbos.)

Revolvers cannot be silenced, due to all the noisy gasses which escape the cylinder gap at the rear of the barrel.

Rhythm and "syzygy" are the longest English words without vowels.

Robert E. Lee, of the Confederate Army, remains the only person, to date, to have graduated from the West Point military academy without a single demerit.

Roosters can't crow if they can't fully extend their necks.

Russians generally answer the phone by saying, 'I'm listening.'

S.O.S. doesn't stand for "Save Our Ship" or "Save Our Souls" -- It was chosen by an 1908 international conference on Morse Code because the letters S and O were easy to remember and just about anyone could key it and read it, S = dot dot dot, O = dash dash dash.

Samuel Clemens's pseudonym "Mark Twain" was the nickname of a riverboat pilot about whom Clemens wrote a needless nasty satirical piece. Apparently, Clemens felt guilty later and adopted the nom de plume as some sort of expiation. The phrase "mark twain" from which the river pilot got his name does not mean two fathoms (twelve feet.)

Sharon Stone was the first "Star Search" spokes model.

Smithee is a pseudonym that filmmakers use when they don't want their names to appear in the credits.

Snails can sleep for 3 years without eating.

Soda water does not contain soda.

Some Eskimos have been known to use refrigerators to keep their food from freezing.

Soweto in South Africa was derived from SOuth WEst TOwnship.

Spain literally means 'the land of rabbits.'

Speak of the Devil is short for "Speak of the Devil and he shall come". It was believed that if you spoke about the Devil it would attract his attention and he would appear.

St. Bernards, famous for their role as alpine rescue dogs, do NOT wear casks of brandy around their necks.

Steve Young, the San Francisco 49ers quarterback, is the great-great-grandson of Mormon leader Brigham Young.

Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.

Talk show host Montel Williams had a nose job.

Termites eat wood twice as fast when listening to heavy metal music.

The "Grinch" singer and voice of Tony the Tiger is a man named Thurl Ravenscroft.

The "save" icon on Microsoft Word shows a floppy disk, with the shutter on backwards.

The allele for six fingers and toes is dominant in humans.

The Andy Griffth Show was the first spin-off in TV history. It was spun-off from the Danny Thomas Show.

The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

The average scalp has 100,000 hairs. Redheads have the least at 80,000; brown and black haired persons have about 100,000; and blondes have the most at 120,000. (That is more than a thousand hairs in each square inch!)

The band "Duran Duran" got their name from an astronaut in the 1968 Jane Fonda movie "Barbarella."

The bat on the Bacardi symbol is there because the soil where the sugar cane grows is fertile from the excessive guano (bat droppings.)

The Boston University Bridge (on Commonwealth Avenue, Boston, Massachusetts) is the only place in the world where a boat can sail under a train driving under a car driving under an airplane.

The bubbles in Guiness Beer sink to the bottom rather than float to the top like all other beers. No one knows why.

The car in the foreground on the back of a $10 bill is a 1925 Huptmobile.

The car manufacturer Henry Ford was awarded Hitler's Supreme Order of the German Eagle.

The childrens' nursery rhyme 'Ring-a-Round-The-Rosies' actually refers to the Black Death which killed about 30 million people in the fourteenth-century.

The Chinese ideogram for 'trouble' depicts two women living under one roof'.

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

The correct response to the Irish greeting, "Top of the morning to you," is "and the rest of the day to yourself."

The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.

The dome on Monticello, Thomas Jefferson's home, conceals a billiards room. In Jefferson's day, billiards were illegal in Virginia.

The dunce cap of schoolhouse fame originates from a paper cone that was placed on the heads of accused witches during the Middle Ages. When Joan of Arc was martyred, she was wearing one of them.

The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one-mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.

The famous split-fingered Vulcan salute is actually intended to represent the first letter ("shin," pronounced "sheen") of the word "shalom." As a small boy, Leonard Nimoy observed his rabbi using it in a benediction and never forgot it; eventually he was able to add it to "Star Trek" lore.

The fingerprints of koala bears are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene.

The first Ford cars had Dodge engines.

The first inter-racial kiss on TV was in an original "STAR TREK" episode entitled "Plato's Stepchildren". The kiss was between Nichelle Nichols and William Shatner.

The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.

The first safety razor was not actually invented by King Gillette himself but by a man named William Nickerson who was Kings partner. They believed that the label bearing Nickersons name would be bad for business, plus it was Kings idea anyway.

The first time the word "hell" was spoken on TV was in an original "STAR TREK" episode entitled "City on the Edge of Forever". The exact quote was "...let's get the hell out of here...", spoken by William Shatner.

The first toilet ever seen on television was on "Leave It To Beaver".

The 'Hundred Years War' lasted 116 years.

The largest eggs in the world are laid by a shark.

The launching mechanism of a carrier ship that helps planes to take off could throw a pickup truck over a mile.

The lead singer of The Knack, famous for "My Sharona," and Jack Kevorkian's lead defense attorney are brothers, Doug & Jeffrey Feiger.

The Les Nessman character on the TV series WKRP in Cincinnati wore a band-aid in every episode. Either on himself, his glasses, or his clothing.

The lifespan of a tastebud is ten days.

The little bags of netting for gas lanterns (called 'mantles') are radioactive--so much so that they will set of an alarm at a nuclear reactor.

The longest U.S. highway is route 6 starting in Cape Cod, Massachusetts going through 14 states, and ending in Bishop, California.

The magic word "Abracadabra" was originally intended for the specific purpose of curing hay fever.

The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

The name for Oz in the "Wizard of Oz" was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z, hence "Oz."

The name of the Vulcan's heaven is Sha Ka Ree, this is a play on the name Sean Connery who was considered for the part of Sarek, Spock's father.

The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."

The names of the three wise monkeys are: Mizaru: See no evil, Mikazaru: Hear no evil, and Mazaru: Speak no evil.

The national flag of Italy was designed by Napoleon Bonaparte.

The Nobel Prize resulted from a late change in the will of Alfred Nobel, who did not want to be remembered after his death as a propagator of violence - he invented dynamite.

The numbers '172' can be found on the back of the U.S. $5 dollar bill in the bushes at the base of the Lincoln Memorial.

The NY phone book had 22 Hitlers before WWII. The NY phone book had 0 Hitlers after WWII.

The only member of the band ZZ Top without a beard has the last name Beard.

The original copy of the Declaration of Independence is lost. The copy in Washington D.C. is what is referred to as a holograph. That is a term for a handmade copy of a document and is not the same as a laser produced hologram.

The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.

The pet ferret (Mustela putorias furo) was domesticated more than 500 years before the house cat.

The Phillips-head screwdriver was invented in Oregon.

The phrase ' The 3 R's ' ( standing for 'reading, writing and arithmetic' ) was created by Sir William Curtis, who was illiterate.

The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

The placement of a donkey's eyes in its' heads enables it to see all four feet at all times.

The province of Alberta in Canada has been completely free of rats since 1905.

The screwdriver was invented before the screw.

The 'Screwdriver' was invented by oilmen, who used the tool to stir the drink.

The slogan on New Hampshire license plates is 'Live Free or Die'. These license plates are manufactured by prisoners in the state prison in Concord.

The spaceship 'Valley Forge' from "Silent Running" (1971) actually got it's name from the location used to film some of its interiors; a decommissioned aircraft carrier named the U.S.S. Valley Forge.

The term "devil's advocate" comes from the Roman Catholic church. When deciding if someone should be sainted, a devil's advocate is always appointed to give an alternative view.

The term "Mayday" is used for signaling for help. It comes from the French term "M'aidez" which is pronounced "MayDay" and means, "Help Me."

The turkey was wrongly named after what was thought to be it's country of origin.

The two-foot long bird called a Kea that lives in New Zealand likes to eat the strips of rubber around car windows!

The United States government keeps its supply of silver at the U.S. Military Academy at West Point, NY.

There are four cars and eleven light posts on the back of a ten-dollar bill.

There are more beetles than any other kind of creature in the world.

There are more nutrients in the cornflake package itself than there are in the actual cornflakes.

There are more than 50,000 earthquakes throughout the world every year!

There are no clocks in Las Vegas casinos.

There are no rivers in Saudi Arabia.

There are only three cities that are named exactly after the state they are located in: Maine, ME; New York, NY; and Wyoming, WY.

There is a city called Rome on every continent.

There is a town in Texas called 'Ding Dong.'

There is about 200 times more gold in the world's oceans, than has been mined in our entire history.

There is no mention of Adam and Eve eating an apple in the Bible.

There were no squirrels on Nantucket Island, Massachusetts until 1989.

Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

To "testify" was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a statement made by swearing on their testicles.

Tomb robbers believed that knocking Egyptian sarcophagi's noses off would forestall curses.

Turkey's often look up at the sky during a rainstorm. Unfortunately some have been known to drown as a result.

U.S. Interstates which go north-south are numbered sequentially starting from the west with odd numbers, and Interstates which go east-west are numbered sequentially starting from the south with even numbers.

Until 1967, LSD was legal in California.

Video Killed the Radio Star was the very first video ever played on MTV.

Walt Disney named Mickey Mouse after Mickey Rooney, whose mother he dated for some time.

Walt Disney's autograph bears no resemblance to the famous Disney logo.

Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.

When opossums are playing opossum, they are not "playing." They actually pass out from sheer terror.

When young and impoverished, Pablo Picasso kept warm by burning his own paintings.

While at Harvard University, Edward Kennedy was suspended for cheating on a Spanish exam.

While performing her duties as queen, Cleopatra sometimes wore a fake beard.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Woodward Avenue in Detroit, Michigan carries the designation M-1, named so because it was the first paved road anywhere.

What was your pet name when you were a kid?

If we say, we are here to help others, what are the others here for?

Relate the most funny incident in your life. Or what was the funniest thing you did as a kid?

Which was the naughtiest prank you played in school?

Who was your first crush?

Which was the most embarrassing moment of your life?

Does one of your socks have a hole in it? Actually, both the socks are bound to have one hole each. After all, that is through which you put your foot into it!

If a bus stops at a bus station, does your work stop at your workstation in office?

List five things you would need to survive, if left alone on a deserted island.

If it is illegal to drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, how do monkeys and apes exist?

What treatment would you seek if you were addicted to therapy?

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what do you think it is expanding into?

Why are boxing rings square-shaped?

What to do if an endangered animal eats endangered plants?

If you were a geometric shape, what would you like to be?

If 'pro' is the opposite of 'con', is 'progress' the opposite of 'congress'?

Don't you think, the term, 'free gift' consists of a redundant usage of words?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Would you believe in a liar who admits he is one?

If you are to take a picture of cheese, what do you think it would say?

Have you been to jail?

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

How about never? Is never good for you?

it takes 42 muscles to smile but only four muscles to slap the person that made you frown

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.

Who me? I just wander from room to room.

Cheese is milk's leap toward immortality.

At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

The most dangerous position in which to sleep is with your feet on your office desk.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

never give up things that once made you smile

You're so poor that you can't even pay attention.

Grow old with me! The best is yet to be

If you don't control your mind, someone else will.

Sometimes the littlest things in life are the hardest to take. You can sit on a mountain more comfortably than on a tack.

Spring is nature's way of saying, Let's party!

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on.

Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.

A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops

Nobility is not a birthright. It is defined by one's actions

Several excuses are always less convincing than one.

Spouse: someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn't have anything to do with it

You must have been warned against letting the golden hours slip by; but some of them are golden only because we let them slip by.

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beerOh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza

can resist anything but temptation.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

You will always have problems, but/and you will always have friends.

Procrastination is the greatest labour-saving invention of all time.

Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.

Always drink upstream from the herd

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them to mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's."

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to see an egg come from a chicken's butt and think, "I'll bet that would be good to eat?"

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that:
quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square and
a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig,
writers write but fingers don't fing, and
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them to mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's."

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to see an egg come from a chicken's butt and think, "I'll bet that would be good to eat?"

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that:

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